Experiment #1

I'm going to try to tell you a story. A story that is much funnier than I will ever begin to communicate, but of which I must try to tell. Before our recent move, Jordan and I decided to discontinue our cable service. We came to such a decision after long deliberation (in front of the TV) and lots of curiosity. What will I do in the evenings? Is it even possible to own a TV if it isn't directly attached to ESPN HQ? Either way, we concluded that upon entry into our new apartment, we would NOT continue our Comcast service, even at a discounted price. Lets give it a month and see where we stand, can we survive? I mean, it's not like we watch more than maybe 4-5 hours of TV a week, and I know I'm the only one that really watches it.

According to the local Comcast tele-operator, we won't live to tell the story. I swear, I talked to Bernie Mac on the other end and taught me a life lesson, of which only time can tell the truth. When I first talked to him, he copped an attitude when the social security numbers didn't match- although they were wrong previously, and naturally, they never fixed it when we told them it was wrong last time. Either way, he seemed in a much better mood when he asked how he could help. When I told him that I wanted to cancel my cable service, he asked the mandatory, "Was anything wrong?" I proceeded to explain my situation and told him, per request, we'd been married for just over a year. He laughed.

He laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

For an entire minute on the phone, he laughed in my face- one of those laughs that starts out high and in the back of your throat and proceeds to reach down into your gut where it forces out full-body convulsions. Yes, he laughed just like that, I was beginning to feel a bit insulted. He then willingly offered that 20+ years of experience taught him the "give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile philosophy," and once she realizes it is a good thing- say goodbye forever. I tried to explain to him that we are trying an experiment, and when football begins next month, we'd pick it back up. Nope, this applies to all realms of life, and he painted a picture for me: soon enough I'll be driving a mini-van, changing all the diapers, and letting her dress me. Mini-van, check- what next? His best advice in such dire situations was to respond with mono-syllablic answers and when possible, grunt or groan.

As we began to discuss the specifics of cancelling the policy, I wanted to quickly establish whether we pay for the cable before or after the service, and whether or not returning the cable box would affect being charged another month. He responded, "OH, you'll pay for it alright, don't worry about that, you'll pay for it- MUAHAHAHAHA."

I couldn't help but begin to nervously laugh with him and wonder, what am I getting myself into?


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